Meltdown Feelings…

It started yesterday, with my temper flaring for no reason.
It continued with a severe depressive episode that only just let up by my bedtime.
It continued this morning with temper flares, sarcasm, refined carbs stuffing…
My skin is crawling and I have to scratch it to make feel better.
My head is pounding,
My breathing is barely in control.
The kids are walking on eggshells – I’ve already threatened to cancel Christmas… might have to if we don’t have enough money, which is more than likely.
Anxiety building that I can’t seem to calm down.
I’m just about in control, even though I’m shaking.
I clench my teeth until I have a headache.

This isn’t a temper tantrum. I can feel it affecting my whole body and no matter what I try – meditation, deep breathing, white noise, fidgeting, outdoors, indoors, silence – nothing is calming it.
I wish I could crawl into a hole and let it happen, but I have to supress it – there is no one else to take over from me or to look after the children and TOH.
Tears are threatening,
Shouting happens whether I mean to do it or not.
I want to scream… but I can’t.

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